Energy Beverage Roundup!

Out of a sheer fit of boredom, I have decided to try out four energy drinks available in the market today. Of course, these reviews may be biased according to me and the shift I was at when I took them, but these are my results so far:

Bacchus:

You guys already read what I thought of this drink on my last post. I can see why Koreans made this. It's enough to give a little buzz to keep clicking a mouse in Ragnarok Online, but hardly enough to maintain decent human conversation or performing tasks more complicated than folding paper. Tastes like battery acid. Heck even the can looks like a penlight battery.

Energy Rating: 2/5
Taste: 1/5

Lipovitan:

The Japanese are a funny people. Not only do they cultivate such amazing biological marvels such as the Colon Cancer busting Lactobacilli Shirota Strain (*not a proven pharmaceutical claim), but also the strange bottled menace known as Lipovitan. Having only tried the regular version (for fear the the IRA formulation, which is targeted to the female physiology might have irreversible effects on me). I can safely say that Lipovitan is pretty much Bacchus without the apple flavor and with less of that strange gritty suspension feel in the mouth. Drinking it is about as enjoyable and poking yourself in the eye with a toothpick, but it has about the same effect on keeping yourself awake.

Energy Rating 3/5
Taste: 1/5

Pepsi X Energy Cola

Okay, here's an idea. We take a caffine laden carbonated drink, and then empty a packet of Extra Joss into the damn thing, package it in a cool black bottle and call ourselves innovative. That's what Pepsi did with the X Energy Cola. The packaging caters to the "hip, active, and dehydrating crowds in a club because I'm so frigging high on Ecstacy" crowd. The taste however, is unmistakable. It's carbon bubbles biting on your throat as it goes down does not help the vile taste of battery acid from hanging around your tongue, making you feel that you'd rather run your tongue over sandpaper to get it out. The buzz you get out of it though is substantial, almost comparable to that of Lipovitan, and the cola taste does sort of mask things until the aftertaste hits.

Energy Rating: 2.5/5
Taste: 2/5 before the aftertaste, 1/5 when it hits.

Red Bull Supreme Energy Drink

So far, all the drinks I've reviewed hail from different countries, and show off the kind of people that need what kind of energy for their day to day activities. Koreans don't need much, the Japanese have synthesized some sort of energy that would probably only be used when running from the Yakuza, and the Americans created some vile tasting fizz that only serves to fuel the hedonistic dance of the first world capitalist economy. (*wow... too much Red Star there.)

Anyway, it only makes sense that the most powerful of energy drinks hails from the mighty country of Thailand. Location of hot spices, exotic destinations, Kickboxing and Streetfighter's Sagat. In this adventurous land where children grow up in kickboxing schools ruining their legs and desensitizing themselves to pain in order to win in backwater warehouse fights (note that I know nothing about Thailand for real), they come out with Red Bull Supreme.

Aptly named, this bottle contains the very essence of Thailand itself, completely concentrated vicious Thai energy drained from the Chi of thousands of Kickboxers punishing themselves by repeatedly kicking trees to toughen their legs. Seriously though, it's got one mean kick, and is enough to keep anyone awake. The taste is a similar experience for your tastebuds. Oddly enough, if you can keep your wits about you after the first swig of this stuff, you're good to go. Just force it all down and you'll be okay for the rest of the night... and most of next morning.

Energy 6/5
Taste 1/5

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And that's it for today's Energy Beverage Roundup! If you haven't noticed, Energy Drinks aren't really well known for their taste, but do things gradually. Look for the one that does the most for you, and avoid taking Red Bull right away. Taking too many of these also has some side effects, as the rest that you're cutting out on with these drinks will catch up with you eventually. So make sure to get rest as well... artifical means will only keep you going for so long.

Anyone have any ideas for what I should review next? :)