[Short Fiction] Fantasy Heartbreaker

"Tell me, why are we doing this again?" Hathran said, holding the torch up to set fire to the mass of spiderwebs that filled the ceiling of the stone tunnels. The torch hissed and flickered, light dancing over the time-worn bricks as his companion walked past him, her red hair flowing elegantly behind her.

"For the money of course." Kaira replied, her arms akimbo, "How else do you think we'll be able to pay for the damages we have to pay for in the Rosy Barmaid?"

"As I recall, it was your overzealous use of that Lightning Blast spell of yours that got us in trouble in the first place."

"The bartender gave me a dirty glass."

"That wasn't why you shot him with Lightning, Kaira."

"Well, he called me bad names, and said things about my mother."

"That was after you splashed your drink to his face."

"Only because he gave me a dirty glass!" Kaira replied, exasperated, "How often must I repeat myself?" she huffed, walking ahead for a bit before rummaging through her pack, "Now, if the map is right, we should be able to walk straight ahead for another fifty feet or so."

Hathran looked over her shoulder, "Okay... then what?"

"Umm..." Kaira traced the path with her fingertip, "Ah, there we go. We turn right and keep going. The third door to the right should be the room we're looking for."

Hathran's eyes narrowed as he read the map, "Wait... the room's called the Brandalar Tombs..." he looked at her, "Wait a minute! the Bartender's name was Wyan Brandalar!"

"So?" Kaira grinned mischeviously.

"You're telling me that we're going to raid the tombs of his ancestors to pay him back for damage that we did?!"

"Of course!" Kaira said, raising an eyebrow, "You didn't think we'd be paying him of with our money did you?"

Hathran sighed rubbing his temples, "Tell me, Kaira. Honestly, if it's not too much to ask. Have you ever done a day's worth of honest labor?"

Kaira wrinkled her nose, "Don't be stupid. If I wanted to grunt and sweat and waste out in the sun, I would have been a warrior like you. Why else would I have chosen my Magely craft?"

"So you're saying that you're lazy?"

"I'm saying that such menial labor is beneath me." she sniffed, "That's why I have you around."

"I'm happy to know that I'm appreciated." Hathran's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Good, now let's carry on."

----

The stone doors that led to the Brandalar Tombs were roughly hewn, featuring the family crest of the Brandalar family. "Well, we're here." Hathran said, setting the torch into a ring set in the wall beside the door.

"Great." Kaira smiled, "This'll be a cinch! In and out, nobody will ever know!"

Hathron braced himself as he picked up the iron ring on the door, pulling back. The door was surprisingly subborn, pulling slowly open with a low rumble. Almost immediately, the two adventurers were beset by a cloud of stale air and dust.

Kaira choked for a moment fanning the dust aside with her hands. "Damn tombs." When the dust settled, she held out her hand, chanting as an orb of light came crackling into existence.

"Now let's see what goodies they've got stashed away." she smiled, stepping forward, releasing the orb of light as it hovered towards the interior of the tomb. The tomb held two coffins, as was traditional in these parts. One would contain the body, while the other held the most prized possessions of the deceased. in the far corner, another door led to the chamber of an older ancestor.

Hathran followed her inside, "At least this tomb is normal. I'm sick and tired of hacking at the undead everytime we even remotely got close to some treasure."

"Yeah." Kaira found herself whispering. This is silly, there's nobody here! "Well, let's just get what we came for and leave."

Hathran nodded as he stepped towards the treasure coffin, taking out his sword, he broke the lock easily in one swing. there's something too easy about this... he brushed the thought aside, Nah, get a grip Hathran, don't let the tomb get to you.

The coffin lid creaked as he lifted it, and then clicked.

"Click?!" the two said in unison, as they exchanged glances.

Suddenly, heavy bars fell down from the doorway with a crash, sealing the exit.

"By the Goddess Above!" Hathran raised his sword, looking around, "We're trapped!"

"I can see that, thank you very much." Kaira said bitterly, as she reached with her senses to find out who... or what was responsible for this.

"Show yourself!" Hathran threatened, shaking his sword, "Cowardly Dog!"

Steady footsteps came from outside the bars. A figure came around the corner of the doorway, a satsified sneer on his face.

"Wyan Brandalar?!" Hathran was shocked, how'd he know we were here?

Wyan the bartender chuckled. "Really now. I would never have expected you two to be so stupid as to-"

THUNK!

Wyan let out a cry of pain, "You shot me!" he accused, clutching a crossbow bolt sticking out of his shoulder.

Kaira grinned, "If you think we'll just sit here and wait for your Villain Monologue to finish, then you're dumber than I thought." she said, reloading the crossbow, "Now if you'll just be dumb enough to stand still while I reload..."

"Gah!" Wyan ducked around the doorway and into safety.

"Good one." Hathran commented, dryly, "You just had to shoot him in the shoulder, didn't you?"

Kaira glared at him, "I was aiming for his head."

"Oh."

"Enough!" Wyan's voice called out around the corner, "If you think I'll let you get away that easily with burning down my Tavern, then you're dead wrong!"

"Well, if you'll just be so kind as to stick your head out from the corner, I'm sure we'll be able to sort this out." Kaira said, one eye closed as she squinted through the crossbow's targeting sight.

"You think I'd be stupid enough to fall for that?" Wyan spat.

"Well, it couldn't possibly hurt to try."

"Hah!" Wyan said, "If you think you're smart, then let's see you get out of this!"

A high pitched sound echoed through the tomb. Hathran winced at the sound, "Agh!"

"What was that?" Kaira called out, sneering, "A dog whistle?"

"Not really," Wyan laughed, "You'll see soon enough!"

Something began to pound against the far door. Hathran spun around to face it, as the pounding grew stronger, faster, the stone doors shuddering against their hinges. "Oh crap..."

-to be continued-

[to those curious, a Fantasy Heartbreaker is a term used to denote a game system that's trying hard to break from D&D by being different and not doing a good enough job at it. In this case, it's not really a game, but it does poke fun at some fantasy stereotypes.]