Tilting at windmills for all the right reasons

No sleep
No sleep until I'm done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find the cure for this cancer

Sometimes I feel like going down, I'm so disconnected
Somehow I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows by The Rasmus

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Sometimes I wish that I could change the world.

Sometimes I feel that I could take away pain.

Sometimes I think that I can give all the answers.

Sometimes I'm told that I'm just fooling myself.

It's hard living a life where you just want other people to be happy. I've always been accused of being too much of a pushover and of trying too hard to please everyone. I think that they might be right.

I get twinges of guilt when I see someone I consider to be a friend struggling through a situation. I feel the call to reach out and help in any way possible...

Even if it may be wrong for me to do so.

Maybe I'm a wimp. Maybe I'm a pushover. Maybe I find gratification and some semblance of place in the world by the way that I am percieved. Perhaps this is all a little selfish streak in me that wants to be noticed and praised for being a good little boy. Or it could even be the plain vanilla explanation that I just want to help.

A good friend of mine dubbed it the "Hero complex". I think she hit it right on the head. There's a little buzz you get when you help people out, and there's a corresponding pain of guilt when you feel that you're responsible for someone else's suffering.

Maybe I should learn to care selectively.

That might do the trick.

Care only when it is convenient to do so.

Help only when you will not lose anything while doing so.

Listen to those who would be able to repay you for your kindess.

Expect something in return.

Yeah, right.

I'm not like that.