Times are hard.
Non-Working People take to the streets,
foul up traffic,
make a fuss,
litter,
piss on the sidewalks,
vandalize harmless walls.
They raise red banners, march arm in arm and shout until their voices are hoarse.
The economy shudders, and the investors flee.
Tired Working people try to go home,
stuck in traffic,
deafened by the noise,
sickened by the litter,
nauseated by the piss,
shake their heads at the walls ruined by spray paint.
The Working man raise their pens, their tools, their minds, blood seeping from their pores.
The Tax Man comes,
The Gas Man comes,
The Bill Man comes,
They take the Working man's blood stained money.
To feed the economy, they say
To make us prosper, they say
To usher a new world, they say
The Non-Working man sleeps, fucks and drinks.
Content to blame the ills of his life upon the world.
The Working man tries, ekeing out his existence on scraps from First World Countries.
They meet.
In a dimly lit street.
The Working man is tired, his once crisp shirt, crumpled and worn.
The Non-Working man shirtless, to show off his tatoos, smelling of cheap liquor and cigarettes.
The Non-Working man grins a stained-tooth grin, and takes out a knife
And takes out blood
And takes out hope
And takes out money
And takes out life
Non-Working People take to the streets,
foul up traffic,
make a fuss,
litter,
piss on the sidewalks,
vandalize harmless walls.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Information Architecture: What is it?
Information Architect Lesson 1: Just what is IA?
"Jay, what is it exactly that you do, anyway?" My dad asked me one morning while I was stuffing bread in my mouth for breakfast, zombie-like so early in the morning.
"Mmmuh?" I inquire through a full mouth, his question still qued up in my brain, lost between keeping my heart beating and breathing and chewing.
"What's your job?" he repeated, "I know you're some sort of IT guy, but what do you do? Do you program stuff?"
I swallow, sip my coffee, and smile.
"I'm an Information Architect."
----
Just what is an Information Architect, anyway? I get the same reaction no matter where I go and people ask me what I do. I tell them my job title, they smile, nod, then get this confused look on their face.
Trust me, it's hilarious.
Seriously though, not a lot of people know about Information Architecture, and of us Information Architects. This really isn't meant to be the most extensive of reports on the matter, but this is how I define my work.
Before that, and in the interests of academics, let's take a look at the definition of both words:
in·for·ma·tion (ĭn'fər-mā'shən) pronunciation
n.
1. Knowledge derived from study, experience, or instruction.
2. Knowledge of specific events or situations that has been gathered or received by communication; intelligence or news. See synonyms at knowledge.
3. A collection of facts or data: statistical information.
and
ar·chi·tect (är'kĭ-tĕkt') pronunciation
n.
1. One who designs and supervises the construction of buildings or other large structures.
2. One that plans or devises: a country considered to be the chief architect of war in the Middle East.
Okay, for the purposes of our discussion, I'll concern my self with Information as defined in #1,2,3 and Architect definition 2.
Anyway, to make things easy to understand, my job as an Information Architect entails planning how information should be arranged in such a way that people who need that information can find it easily, and with the least amount of pain possible. This is, of course, usually restricted to website design and projects, but occasionally bleeds over to other uses.
At first glance, my work might seem a little too simple to qualify as being a full fledged job. After all, many people would read the previous paragraph and say, "Psh! I can do that!" How hard could it possibly be?
Well... I wouldn't say that it's too difficult. But I will say that it's tricky.
I think the best way for me to illustrate my point is to give an example.
For your first example for a website challenge, click HERE. (Opens in a new window) Once that page has loaded up, try looking for their customer support hotline.
I'll give you 2 minutes, the average time a person will spend on a website to look for information.
...
...
...
...
...
Done?
If you found it, then good for you! If you didn't that's okay too, because that only means that you've been subjected to a result of bad Information Architecture.
(to those who have been wondering, the way to get there from the page is: Click on the MyGlobe link on the horizontal "websites" bar, then when the MyGlobe page loads, scroll all the way down to where the copyright line is, and click on the tiny "contact us" link)
The problem I ran into when I had to look for their hotline number. I ended up frustrated and angry over it, as the site as it wasn't anywhere, and the most visible "Customer Support" link led to nowhere.
The problem with that experience is that it makes me, the intended audience of the website, feel that I'm not welcome. My calls are not important or unwanted, hence they're hiding their number from me.
You can imagine how this sort of impression will sour your users to your company, all because of a phone number.
To be fair, a good (and common sense) implementation of putting up contact information is done by the same company on a different website HERE (again, opens in a new window)
As you can see, the contact us section is located at the very top, along with FAQs and Search, and clicking on it doesn't lead me to a dead end of links that won't help me. Instead, I get the hotline right there, followed with an email address and even a directory of their service centers.
In the end, Information Architects deal with getting the right kind of data to the right kind of user in the right way. We play around with various widgets and templates and wrack our brains to put "common sense" down onto the screen so that when people sit in front of their computers and go to a website because they need something, they'll find it without having to let loose with a barrage of swearing.
"Jay, what is it exactly that you do, anyway?" My dad asked me one morning while I was stuffing bread in my mouth for breakfast, zombie-like so early in the morning.
"Mmmuh?" I inquire through a full mouth, his question still qued up in my brain, lost between keeping my heart beating and breathing and chewing.
"What's your job?" he repeated, "I know you're some sort of IT guy, but what do you do? Do you program stuff?"
I swallow, sip my coffee, and smile.
"I'm an Information Architect."
----
Just what is an Information Architect, anyway? I get the same reaction no matter where I go and people ask me what I do. I tell them my job title, they smile, nod, then get this confused look on their face.
Trust me, it's hilarious.
Seriously though, not a lot of people know about Information Architecture, and of us Information Architects. This really isn't meant to be the most extensive of reports on the matter, but this is how I define my work.
Before that, and in the interests of academics, let's take a look at the definition of both words:
in·for·ma·tion (ĭn'fər-mā'shən) pronunciation
n.
1. Knowledge derived from study, experience, or instruction.
2. Knowledge of specific events or situations that has been gathered or received by communication; intelligence or news. See synonyms at knowledge.
3. A collection of facts or data: statistical information.
and
ar·chi·tect (är'kĭ-tĕkt') pronunciation
n.
1. One who designs and supervises the construction of buildings or other large structures.
2. One that plans or devises: a country considered to be the chief architect of war in the Middle East.
Okay, for the purposes of our discussion, I'll concern my self with Information as defined in #1,2,3 and Architect definition 2.
Anyway, to make things easy to understand, my job as an Information Architect entails planning how information should be arranged in such a way that people who need that information can find it easily, and with the least amount of pain possible. This is, of course, usually restricted to website design and projects, but occasionally bleeds over to other uses.
At first glance, my work might seem a little too simple to qualify as being a full fledged job. After all, many people would read the previous paragraph and say, "Psh! I can do that!" How hard could it possibly be?
Well... I wouldn't say that it's too difficult. But I will say that it's tricky.
I think the best way for me to illustrate my point is to give an example.
For your first example for a website challenge, click HERE. (Opens in a new window) Once that page has loaded up, try looking for their customer support hotline.
I'll give you 2 minutes, the average time a person will spend on a website to look for information.
...
...
...
...
...
Done?
If you found it, then good for you! If you didn't that's okay too, because that only means that you've been subjected to a result of bad Information Architecture.
(to those who have been wondering, the way to get there from the page is: Click on the MyGlobe link on the horizontal "websites" bar, then when the MyGlobe page loads, scroll all the way down to where the copyright line is, and click on the tiny "contact us" link)
The problem I ran into when I had to look for their hotline number. I ended up frustrated and angry over it, as the site as it wasn't anywhere, and the most visible "Customer Support" link led to nowhere.
The problem with that experience is that it makes me, the intended audience of the website, feel that I'm not welcome. My calls are not important or unwanted, hence they're hiding their number from me.
You can imagine how this sort of impression will sour your users to your company, all because of a phone number.
To be fair, a good (and common sense) implementation of putting up contact information is done by the same company on a different website HERE (again, opens in a new window)
As you can see, the contact us section is located at the very top, along with FAQs and Search, and clicking on it doesn't lead me to a dead end of links that won't help me. Instead, I get the hotline right there, followed with an email address and even a directory of their service centers.
In the end, Information Architects deal with getting the right kind of data to the right kind of user in the right way. We play around with various widgets and templates and wrack our brains to put "common sense" down onto the screen so that when people sit in front of their computers and go to a website because they need something, they'll find it without having to let loose with a barrage of swearing.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Therapy...
I know that it's really mean to laugh at other people's misfortunes, but this one had me in stitches:
I'm pretty sure it's fake, so please, don't restrain your laughter.
I'm pretty sure it's fake, so please, don't restrain your laughter.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
B-Movie Nostalgia: Puppet Master
Puppet master has to be one of the most memorable B-Movies I've watched. Next to such atrociously bad flicks as Trancers, I find that this film from Full Moon Pictures is still the one that my memory keeps pulling up for some reason.
For the uninitiated, here's the general background of the movies (based on Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge):
Andre Toulon, a puppeteer who discovered the secret of reanimating the dead via an ancient Egyptian ritual (involving brain matter and other substances) creates a small army of puppets to avenge himself upon the evil Nazi's who killed his wife.
That being said, all the of the other movies in the series (including the first one and part 2) all give slight variations of this. The most obvious one being that in part 3 (which takes place in the past) Toulon reanimates the Puppet known as Leech Woman with the soul of his murdered wife, Ilsa. While in Part 2, the reanimated Toulon insists that Carolyn is the reincarnation of Isla, all while Leech Woman is there with him. Oh, and he sets fire to Leech Woman there too.
Personally, I'd blame it on the fact that a reanimated Toulon could not possibly be a sane Toulon, but that's hardly an official answer.
So, I've been blathering about the plot for a while, but the actual highlights of the film are the puppets themselves. Here are a few images of the puppets for your viewing pleasure:
Jester:
Jester is the supposed "brains" of the first batch of puppets introduced. He appears to have no special abilities aside from to spin the three component parts of his face around and change his expression. Doesn't sound like much, but he's pretty cool.
Blade and Pinhead
Blade is often the coolest puppet, as he actually has a hook for one hand and a nasty looking blade (hence the name) in the other. He's pretty darn fast for a puppet and he's usually the one the leaves the more gruesom kills.
Pinhead is the direct opposite of Blade. Pinhead is aptly named, and I won't get into that, but his redeeming factor is that he's got very large (human sized) hands that help him do his job of strangling people to death very well. He's also the strongest of the puppets, capable of wrestling full sized people.
Torch
Er... I'm not sure what his backstory is, but his schtick is that he's got a miniature flamethrower for a right arm and it shoots not-miniature sized flames.
Tunneler
Tunneler, the funky drill bit headed puppet of doom rams people head first, digging in and taking the time to leave a chunky mess without even staining his uniform. He's also responsible for my sister not daring to look under the bed, as Tunneler makes his first kill that way.
Leech Woman
The vessel for Ilsa's soul, Leech Woman was created by Andre Toulon to extract revenge on the Nazis. I'm not sure, but if I were to reincarnate my wife as a puppet, I wouldn't choose to make it one that regurgitates leeches.
Six-Shooter
Six-Shooter is six armed cowboy sporting six fully functional(!) miniature pistols. He's got no real story to him, but the bandanna does go up to cover his mouth bandito smile and he's got a funky laugh. Next to Blade, he's my brother's second favorite puppet.
Decapatron
Decapatron is the "secret puppet weapon" that the puppets reanimate in Puppet Master 4. He's got interchangable heads, this one being a strange Tesla-Coil like device that he uses to great effect fighting the ancient puppet sized egyptian monsters they face in the movie.
Apparently there have been no less than nine(!) puppet master movies made, with varying levels of B-movieness. That being said, I still find it to be worth musing about.
Ah, to those who have not heard it, here are a few links to some multimedia sources for you to enjoy:
The Puppet Master Theme Music
And
The Trailer for Puppet Master: The Legacy the latest Puppet Master Movie.
For the uninitiated, here's the general background of the movies (based on Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge):
Andre Toulon, a puppeteer who discovered the secret of reanimating the dead via an ancient Egyptian ritual (involving brain matter and other substances) creates a small army of puppets to avenge himself upon the evil Nazi's who killed his wife.
That being said, all the of the other movies in the series (including the first one and part 2) all give slight variations of this. The most obvious one being that in part 3 (which takes place in the past) Toulon reanimates the Puppet known as Leech Woman with the soul of his murdered wife, Ilsa. While in Part 2, the reanimated Toulon insists that Carolyn is the reincarnation of Isla, all while Leech Woman is there with him. Oh, and he sets fire to Leech Woman there too.
Personally, I'd blame it on the fact that a reanimated Toulon could not possibly be a sane Toulon, but that's hardly an official answer.
So, I've been blathering about the plot for a while, but the actual highlights of the film are the puppets themselves. Here are a few images of the puppets for your viewing pleasure:
Jester:
Jester is the supposed "brains" of the first batch of puppets introduced. He appears to have no special abilities aside from to spin the three component parts of his face around and change his expression. Doesn't sound like much, but he's pretty cool.
Blade and Pinhead
Blade is often the coolest puppet, as he actually has a hook for one hand and a nasty looking blade (hence the name) in the other. He's pretty darn fast for a puppet and he's usually the one the leaves the more gruesom kills.
Pinhead is the direct opposite of Blade. Pinhead is aptly named, and I won't get into that, but his redeeming factor is that he's got very large (human sized) hands that help him do his job of strangling people to death very well. He's also the strongest of the puppets, capable of wrestling full sized people.
Torch
Er... I'm not sure what his backstory is, but his schtick is that he's got a miniature flamethrower for a right arm and it shoots not-miniature sized flames.
Tunneler
Tunneler, the funky drill bit headed puppet of doom rams people head first, digging in and taking the time to leave a chunky mess without even staining his uniform. He's also responsible for my sister not daring to look under the bed, as Tunneler makes his first kill that way.
Leech Woman
The vessel for Ilsa's soul, Leech Woman was created by Andre Toulon to extract revenge on the Nazis. I'm not sure, but if I were to reincarnate my wife as a puppet, I wouldn't choose to make it one that regurgitates leeches.
Six-Shooter
Six-Shooter is six armed cowboy sporting six fully functional(!) miniature pistols. He's got no real story to him, but the bandanna does go up to cover his mouth bandito smile and he's got a funky laugh. Next to Blade, he's my brother's second favorite puppet.
Decapatron
Decapatron is the "secret puppet weapon" that the puppets reanimate in Puppet Master 4. He's got interchangable heads, this one being a strange Tesla-Coil like device that he uses to great effect fighting the ancient puppet sized egyptian monsters they face in the movie.
Apparently there have been no less than nine(!) puppet master movies made, with varying levels of B-movieness. That being said, I still find it to be worth musing about.
Ah, to those who have not heard it, here are a few links to some multimedia sources for you to enjoy:
The Puppet Master Theme Music
And
The Trailer for Puppet Master: The Legacy the latest Puppet Master Movie.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Pointychu!
Last year, Alex and Kate got married, and just a while ago, Kate so graciously gave me a few pictures of me taken during the ceremony.
This is one of them:
The first thing that hit me when I saw it was that it looked like Jesus was pointing at me as if to say either
a) "I'm proud of this little not-so-practicing catholic son of mine"
or
b) "I choose you, Pointychu!" :D
This is one of them:
The first thing that hit me when I saw it was that it looked like Jesus was pointing at me as if to say either
a) "I'm proud of this little not-so-practicing catholic son of mine"
or
b) "I choose you, Pointychu!" :D
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Kicking Down Signs and Taking Names
In the "Webcomic without Pictures" format done by a writer whose work I fear, respect and have no choice but to grovel in front of. Rebecca Bergstrom. Check out her writing at Hitherby Dragons
Ping stared down at the bowl, pasty, pale yellow noodles suspended in weak sweet soup. Cheap, assymetrical chopsticks held loosely in his hand as he chewed on what the fast food stand tried to pass off as a wonton dumpling.
He looked at his food, his half nibbled siopao sporting the same kind of mysterious meat seasoned to an unidentifiable chewy mass.
That was the last straw.
Ping stood, walking over to the stand. The Lady Behind the Counter eyed him suspiciously, her eyes glancing from him to his half-eaten food.
"Yes?" she asked susiciously.
With explosive Kung Fu action, Ping hurtled upwards, his leg smashing into the lighted electric sign that proudly proclaimed "Great Dim sum!". His mighty kick broke the sign in half with a powerful explosion, electrical sparks flying in all directions as other patrons of the dimsum place fled for their lives.
"Your dim sum is no good!" Ping said giving her the thumbs down sign.
The Lady Behind the Counter narrowed her eyes. Around them the dimsum chefs circled around Ping, weilding knives and skewers.
"You dare to dishonor my dim sum stand?" the Lady cried out in a shrill voice, "Face the wrath of my school!"
Ping ignored her threats as he dropped into a fighting stance. Righteousnes shone in his very countenance, his being suffused with the will to win and rid this food court of bad dim sum forever!
The chefs advanced, a whirlwind of aprons and cutlery, each one eager to avenge the name of their dim sum craft upon the body of the arrogant stranger.
Unfortunately, no one in the food court could stand in front of the might of Ping's Righteous Chopstick Stance, coupled with the secrets of the Avenging Soydish Style. The chefs attacked, their knives ringing out loud as their blows fell like rain. Ping deflected each and every slice, cut and thrust with a tiny faux-porcelain soydish, before countering viciouly, using the cheap square cornered chopsticks as his only weapons.
The chefs fell to the ground groaning and clutching a wounded arm here, or a broken leg there. More unfortunate ones fell with broken ribs, crying out in agony.
Finally the battle ended, with only Ping standing, holding a singular chopstick, as he had just used the other to knock out one of the fleeing chefs.
"So you think you can defeat me?" The Lady Behind the Counter said as she stepped out, putting aside her apron.
"Those who wickedly serve substandard slop such as that despoil the reputation of Chinese Cooking!" Ping replied, "And for the wicked, there is no victory."
She laughed, "You are all talk! Show me your best stance. I will defeat you before this siomai touches the ground!" She reached into the steamer with her bare hand, tossing it upwards.
No sooner had the siomai left her fingers did The Lady Behind the Counter launch herself towards Ping, delivering a vicious kick towards his head. Righteous Ping barely deflected the attack with his lone chopstick, staggering backwards with the power of the blow, the marble tiles under his feet breaking at the force of the blow.
Ping found himself falling back, even as The Lady Behind the Counter pressed her attack. Ping tried the Righteous Chopstick Stance, only to be countered, the Lady's nails digging into his chest, drawing blood.
"You cannot win!" She shrieked.
Ping ducked low, under her next strike, before unleashing his Final Technique, raining punches into her midsection, suffused with Fire Chi drawn from the Internal Steamer Technique. Each punch shook the very building, dishes and glasses exploding from the very outporing of internal energy.
The Lady Behind the Counter sailed backwards into the broken sign, electricity coursing through her body.
Ping watched her, convulsing against her cart.
"For bad dim sum, there can be no forgiveness."
Ping stared down at the bowl, pasty, pale yellow noodles suspended in weak sweet soup. Cheap, assymetrical chopsticks held loosely in his hand as he chewed on what the fast food stand tried to pass off as a wonton dumpling.
He looked at his food, his half nibbled siopao sporting the same kind of mysterious meat seasoned to an unidentifiable chewy mass.
That was the last straw.
Ping stood, walking over to the stand. The Lady Behind the Counter eyed him suspiciously, her eyes glancing from him to his half-eaten food.
"Yes?" she asked susiciously.
With explosive Kung Fu action, Ping hurtled upwards, his leg smashing into the lighted electric sign that proudly proclaimed "Great Dim sum!". His mighty kick broke the sign in half with a powerful explosion, electrical sparks flying in all directions as other patrons of the dimsum place fled for their lives.
"Your dim sum is no good!" Ping said giving her the thumbs down sign.
The Lady Behind the Counter narrowed her eyes. Around them the dimsum chefs circled around Ping, weilding knives and skewers.
"You dare to dishonor my dim sum stand?" the Lady cried out in a shrill voice, "Face the wrath of my school!"
Ping ignored her threats as he dropped into a fighting stance. Righteousnes shone in his very countenance, his being suffused with the will to win and rid this food court of bad dim sum forever!
The chefs advanced, a whirlwind of aprons and cutlery, each one eager to avenge the name of their dim sum craft upon the body of the arrogant stranger.
Unfortunately, no one in the food court could stand in front of the might of Ping's Righteous Chopstick Stance, coupled with the secrets of the Avenging Soydish Style. The chefs attacked, their knives ringing out loud as their blows fell like rain. Ping deflected each and every slice, cut and thrust with a tiny faux-porcelain soydish, before countering viciouly, using the cheap square cornered chopsticks as his only weapons.
The chefs fell to the ground groaning and clutching a wounded arm here, or a broken leg there. More unfortunate ones fell with broken ribs, crying out in agony.
Finally the battle ended, with only Ping standing, holding a singular chopstick, as he had just used the other to knock out one of the fleeing chefs.
"So you think you can defeat me?" The Lady Behind the Counter said as she stepped out, putting aside her apron.
"Those who wickedly serve substandard slop such as that despoil the reputation of Chinese Cooking!" Ping replied, "And for the wicked, there is no victory."
She laughed, "You are all talk! Show me your best stance. I will defeat you before this siomai touches the ground!" She reached into the steamer with her bare hand, tossing it upwards.
No sooner had the siomai left her fingers did The Lady Behind the Counter launch herself towards Ping, delivering a vicious kick towards his head. Righteous Ping barely deflected the attack with his lone chopstick, staggering backwards with the power of the blow, the marble tiles under his feet breaking at the force of the blow.
Ping found himself falling back, even as The Lady Behind the Counter pressed her attack. Ping tried the Righteous Chopstick Stance, only to be countered, the Lady's nails digging into his chest, drawing blood.
"You cannot win!" She shrieked.
Ping ducked low, under her next strike, before unleashing his Final Technique, raining punches into her midsection, suffused with Fire Chi drawn from the Internal Steamer Technique. Each punch shook the very building, dishes and glasses exploding from the very outporing of internal energy.
The Lady Behind the Counter sailed backwards into the broken sign, electricity coursing through her body.
Ping watched her, convulsing against her cart.
"For bad dim sum, there can be no forgiveness."
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Previously, in "Jay's Life"
 Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com |
Things have been pretty decent actually. I've managed to submit a short story to Vin's Draconic Fiction Anthology, and I'm eagerly awaiting the results.
Sometimes, being a writer is kind of like being a father waiting outside the operating room while your wife is giving birth. You've done all you can, read up on all the rules, and all you can do now is wait... and pray.
I'm currently in that phase.
Let's hope that God still hasn't grown tired of listening to this insufficiently practicing Catholic boy.
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